Sunday, April 27, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Mamas girls?
I can't remember if I told you this. These are Libs little babies. "Dor-fy and Goliath."
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Nursery rhymes
Old mother hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone. But when she got there, the cupboard was bare, and so the poor dog had none.
I read this to Levi the other day before bed. He replied, "She must've ordered a pizza."
I read this to Levi the other day before bed. He replied, "She must've ordered a pizza."
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
I love you mom!
My mom is the best. I know she will see this and think, "What do you want now?" Ha ha. She came over this past weekend in her whirlwind Mrs Doubtfire kind of way and watched my kids so I could go out. It was great. I got to go Tavern on Grand for Walleye, Bransons for "The Truth Project," and Ladies fellowship and lunch Sat morning. NOT to mention, cleaned my stovetop shining clean like she always does, bought me gorgeous flowers, bought me a really pretty cake plate, made me new washrags, bought me 2 packs of water, and made me 15 loaves of magic mom bread. All the while my kids are driving her crazy don't forget! She also made a quick magic pork chops meal before she slipped out the door because I didn't have anything planned for dinner cuz I was livin up "my time." She is forever thinking of me and my family and we are so blessed by her. God is so good to me by giving me this awesome mom. Thanks mom! I love you! I can see why at her work they never want her to leave. She can do ALL things next to God himself! :o)
Monday, April 07, 2008
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Tests
Follow these rules before you have children. These were funny!
Test 1
Women: to prepare for maternity,put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag
down the
front. Leave it there for 9months. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity,go to a local chemist, tip the contents of
your wallet onto the counter andtell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go
to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head
office. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
____________________________________________________________
Test 2
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of
discipline, lack of patience,appallingly low tolerance levels and how they
have allowed their children torun wild. Suggest ways in which they might
improve their child's sleepinghabits,toilet training, table manners and
overall behavior. Enjoy it. It willbe the last time in your life that you
will have all the answers.
MY PET PEEVE-Getting advice from those without kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As if?!
_____________________________________________________________
Test 3
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living roomfrom 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing
approximately 4 - 6kg, with aradio turned to static (or some other obnoxious
sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down,set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12pm and walk thebag around the living room until 1am.
4.Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6.Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 3 months.LOOK CHEERFUL.
________________________________________________________________
Test 4
Dressing small children is notas easy as it seems:
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
3. Time allowed for this: 5 minutes.
________________________________________________________________
Test 5
Forget the BMW and buy a practical 5 door wagon. And don't think that you
can leave it out on the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look
like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
2.. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the cd player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 6
Get ready to go out
1. Wait
2. Go out the front door
3. Come back in again
4. Go out
5. Come back in again
6. Go out again
7. Walk down the front path
8. Walk back up it
9. Walk down it again
10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of
used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors
come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
15. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
__________________________________________________________________
Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 8
Go to the local supermarket.Take with you the nearest thing you can find, to
a pre-school child. A full-grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have
more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your weeks groceries
without letting the goat(s) out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat
eats or destroys.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 9
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap,making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor.
7. You are now ready to feed a12-month old child.
__________________________________________________________________
Test 10
Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Thomas the Tank Engine
and Disney.
Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 11
Can you stand the mess childrenmake? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower beds and then rub them on clean walls.
4. Cover the stains with crayon.
5. How does that look?
_________________________________________________________________
Test 12
Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mommy' repeatedly. Important: no more
than a 4second delay between each Mommy - occasional crescendo to the level
of asupersonic jet if required.
Play this tape in your car,everywhere you go for the next 4 years.You are
now ready to take a longtrip with a toddler.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 13
Start talking to an adult of your choice.
Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirtsleeve while
playing the Mummy tape listed above.You are now ready to have a conversation
with an adult while there's a child in the room.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 14
Put on your finest work attire.Pick a day on which you have an important
meeting. Now:
1. Take a cup of cream and add 1cup of lemon juice
2. Stir
3. Dump half of it on your shirt
4. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
5. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
6. Do not change, you have no time.
7. Go directly to work
_______________________________________________________________
You are now ready to have kids.
Test 1
Women: to prepare for maternity,put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag
down the
front. Leave it there for 9months. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity,go to a local chemist, tip the contents of
your wallet onto the counter andtell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go
to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head
office. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.
____________________________________________________________
Test 2
Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of
discipline, lack of patience,appallingly low tolerance levels and how they
have allowed their children torun wild. Suggest ways in which they might
improve their child's sleepinghabits,toilet training, table manners and
overall behavior. Enjoy it. It willbe the last time in your life that you
will have all the answers.
MY PET PEEVE-Getting advice from those without kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As if?!
_____________________________________________________________
Test 3
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living roomfrom 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing
approximately 4 - 6kg, with aradio turned to static (or some other obnoxious
sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down,set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12pm and walk thebag around the living room until 1am.
4.Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6.Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 3 months.LOOK CHEERFUL.
________________________________________________________________
Test 4
Dressing small children is notas easy as it seems:
1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
3. Time allowed for this: 5 minutes.
________________________________________________________________
Test 5
Forget the BMW and buy a practical 5 door wagon. And don't think that you
can leave it out on the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look
like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
2.. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the cd player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 6
Get ready to go out
1. Wait
2. Go out the front door
3. Come back in again
4. Go out
5. Come back in again
6. Go out again
7. Walk down the front path
8. Walk back up it
9. Walk down it again
10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of
used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors
come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.
15. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
__________________________________________________________________
Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 8
Go to the local supermarket.Take with you the nearest thing you can find, to
a pre-school child. A full-grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have
more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your weeks groceries
without letting the goat(s) out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat
eats or destroys.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 9
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap,making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor.
7. You are now ready to feed a12-month old child.
__________________________________________________________________
Test 10
Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Thomas the Tank Engine
and Disney.
Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 11
Can you stand the mess childrenmake? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower beds and then rub them on clean walls.
4. Cover the stains with crayon.
5. How does that look?
_________________________________________________________________
Test 12
Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mommy' repeatedly. Important: no more
than a 4second delay between each Mommy - occasional crescendo to the level
of asupersonic jet if required.
Play this tape in your car,everywhere you go for the next 4 years.You are
now ready to take a longtrip with a toddler.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 13
Start talking to an adult of your choice.
Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirtsleeve while
playing the Mummy tape listed above.You are now ready to have a conversation
with an adult while there's a child in the room.
_________________________________________________________________
Test 14
Put on your finest work attire.Pick a day on which you have an important
meeting. Now:
1. Take a cup of cream and add 1cup of lemon juice
2. Stir
3. Dump half of it on your shirt
4. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
5. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
6. Do not change, you have no time.
7. Go directly to work
_______________________________________________________________
You are now ready to have kids.
Comments from 1955
I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's
going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00." "Have
you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before
$2, 000.00 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a
pack is ridiculous.
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just
to mail a letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."
"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday
cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the
garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing
their hair as long as the girls."
"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they
let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems
every new movie has either HELL of DAMN in it."
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put
a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some
fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for
$75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday
they'll be making more than the President."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now." "It's too
bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are
having to work to make ends meet."
"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone
to watch their kids so they can both work."
"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to
be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
"I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot
of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes
half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the
best people to congress."
"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously
doubt they will ever catch on."
"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it
costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel."
"No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital
it's too rich for my blood."
"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."
going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00." "Have
you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before
$2, 000.00 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a
pack is ridiculous.
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just
to mail a letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."
"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday
cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the
garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing
their hair as long as the girls."
"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they
let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems
every new movie has either HELL of DAMN in it."
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put
a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some
fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for
$75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday
they'll be making more than the President."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now." "It's too
bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are
having to work to make ends meet."
"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone
to watch their kids so they can both work."
"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to
be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
"I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot
of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes
half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the
best people to congress."
"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously
doubt they will ever catch on."
"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it
costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel."
"No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital
it's too rich for my blood."
"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."
Friday, April 04, 2008
How thoughtful
Liberty got in trouble in the Y childcare yesterday for the first time in a while. I told her she would be spending some time in her room when she got home. Levi piped up, "Mom, I did a great job!" I said, "Great. Those prayers must have helped for you to be obedient to your teachers and your mom." He said, "Yep. Oh and mom, I would like to take Libertys room time for her." Eddie Haskel at his best.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Snowdaze
Jace and Libs made a snowman family in the yard. Yes, it's supposed to resemble our family. Lots of work and when I looked out this evening we were half the size. Wish my diets worked like that! Ah! Springtime!
Atheists holiday!
In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and
Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the
discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations
afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while
atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before
a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by
the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!'
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other
observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my
client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'
The judge leaned forward in
his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to
even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'
The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such
holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your
Honor?' The
judge said, 'Well it comes
every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our
calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fool's Day,' consider that
Psalm 14:1 states,
'The fool says in his heart,
there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client
says there is no God, then by Scripture, he is a fool, and April
1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my
courtroom!
Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the
discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations
afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while
atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before
a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by
the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!'
The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other
observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah...yet my
client and all other atheists have no such holiday!'
The judge leaned forward in
his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to
even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists' holiday!'
The lawyer pompously said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any such
holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your
Honor?' The
judge said, 'Well it comes
every year on exactly the same date---April 1st! Since our
calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fool's Day,' consider that
Psalm 14:1 states,
'The fool says in his heart,
there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client
says there is no God, then by Scripture, he is a fool, and April
1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my
courtroom!
Don't baby me mom
Jace gave me the speech the other day. You know the one. "Mom, you really gotta stop treating me like a baby." "What do you mean?" I said. "He said, "You know, like in front of my friends and other times. Mom, I'm almost in double digits. I'm pretty much a teenager. You have to treat me older now." I said, "Maybe I don't realize when I'm doing it. Maybe you should give me a look like this," (gave him a simple wincing gesture). I then continued, "You know, I might do that but you have to realize, you'll always be my baby." He then gave me the "simple wincing gesture."
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