Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Funny Quotes

“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”

"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”

“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield, it said 'Parking Fine.'”

"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure”

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

“There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't”

“Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.”

2 comments:

dana in dublin said...

I guess I'll be keeping an eye on you, the toast, and the cats while you are here.
speaking of los gatos, those ferocious little balls of purring magic will be here three weeks from today- YIPPEE!

Kim N. said...

My favorite one is:

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”